I, an empath by nature, a Christian by choice, and a diplomat by university degree—and sometimes necessity—had to combine these three values to explain myself to another person.
Guess what happened? None of these were enough for the person who takes “No” personally. With all my strength, I kept my reasons within the tense walls of my larynx, and asked for understanding and time. I was honest enough to describe my suffering, and restrained enough not to burden them.

In return, I got the coldest, angriest, callous “Okay” followed by a passive-aggressive, dismissive closing line and then a very loud silently dropped call.

For a split second, my mind went into a spiral and immediately, I felt the Holy Spirit intervene. I was filled with God’s peace. I ended up listening to worship music, singing in joy and in less than ten minutes, I felt as if I had cut ties with a wilted narcissus forever.
Although it was not the first time I had had a conversation like this with the same person, it opened an older folder of memories that I have left in the past—partly because I have parted ways with such people, and partly because I didn’t have the time, energy or will to think about them.
This time, I opened it with precision; not to ask myself where I’ve gone wrong, but to understand a pattern of choice, a subconscious choice of what I’ve tolerated for years; whether with partners, family members, colleagues, friends or friends of friends.

A few common traits that these people have in common are extreme egotism, a need for constant attention, and lack of empathy for others. Without jumping to professional conclusions, it is still obvious that these are narcissistic traits—and it just so happens that I allowed myself to entertain them for too long.

All until an ex-friend hit a nerve, and I, already with a nerve injury and not very fond of nerve pain, decided to cut all communication. A few years later, she texted me to congratulate me on starting a business, and asked for closure by saying that she had read my essay on close friends and thought about how we have “naturally” parted ways.

“Not really,” I said. “I decided to take a break because you stepped over the red line several times, and I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want to hurt you. But I needed my peace.”

“I know exactly what period you’re talking about,” she wrote. “I was in a very chaotic period of my life back then.”

I sensed that she was about to try to get me back into her cobweb of emotional manipulation by reminiscing about the good old times, and I wished her all the best in the most formal possible way.

She never wrote again.

Fast forward two years, and I found myself slowly opening my eyes and starting to see some people for who they are, rather than for “their good side.”

As I started to open one folder after another, I realized that I could make a tiny Guess Who? game board with dozens of people, but it would be so difficult to play because they are all the same. Led by the spirit of Jezebel, pride, self-love and selfish ambition, these people are close friends of the enemy.
Willingly, over and over again, with no sign of repentance.

Jesus tells us:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 7:12

While Jesus sat with sinners (including me and you), He never entertained their pride. He never said: “Hey, do as you please and go use other people.”

Steadily but consistently, God started showing me that I’ve been surrounded by snakes.

I remember a dream when I was twelve or thirteen. I repeatedly dreamt of thin, white-yellowish snakes entangled together and always slithering in front of my then best-friend’s building. The very same person who was like a sister to me since the age of five, ended up sleeping with my then-boyfriend at the age of seventeen. The snakes made more sense.

Throughout the years, the den of snakes had dispersed but it followed me for over a decade, and I thank God that I started recognizing them and cutting ties with them.

Interestingly enough, human snakes, unlike animals, do attack out of malice. Almost always, the ones that have attacked me—or tried to—did it thinking they could hide behind their shy, withdrawn, kind-in-public, and slacky masks.
I, on the other hand, have never liked insincerity. This has caused me some trouble, as I have been honest with everyone and anyone, to the point of self-destruction. I started asking God for wisdom, and He showed me that I have opened the doors to wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15).

I learned that sincerity and honesty have no place on a table full of unrepenting, self-absorbed and evil people. One can still be a kind, loving human and help someone in need without sitting in the company of mockers, scoffers, evildoers and envious people.

It is saddening to have to choose who you sit with, but it is necessary. People who reject to respect boundaries, who choose to hurt other people and knowingly damage other people’s health and lives are people who are deserving of forgiveness and prayer (Matthew 6:14, Luke 23:34), , but not closeness, insight and influence over one’s life.

Those whose ego needs to be constantly entertained, who live in delusion of grandeur, who walk all over other people, who don’t care how others feel as long as their misery is covered with self-adoration, who are convinced that their manipulation, control and hate towards what’s normal, what’s loving, what’s kind and brings light and joy to the world, have stopped being welcomed in my home, my heart, my soul and my life some time ago.

Do not allow yourself to feel guilty because a malicious heart with a flat-lined smile has looked you in the eyes and tried to convince you that you owe them your health, time, freedom or joy.

These people need healing, and oftentimes, the best thing you can participate in is to leave them to God and let Him handle them.

No human being—not even a snake charmer—has ever healed someone who chooses poison over living water.

Even from birth the wicked go astray;
from the womb they are wayward, spreading lies.
Their venom is like the venom of a snake,
like that of a cobra that has stopped its ears,
that will not heed the tune of the charmer,
however skillful the enchanter may be.
Psalm 56:3-5 NIV

P.S. If you have gone through obscure manipulation, I wholeheartedly suggest saving your money on self-help books because there is a high probability that there is nothing wrong with you and you have been too kind for too long to the wrong person.

Stay gentle, stay true to yourself and stay loving. There are plenty of homeless kids, animals, people asking for help and people willing to change to whom you can dedicate your time. If you don’t know where to start, ask and listen closely to God. He always needs a helping hand in this broken world. Don’t forget that, He too, is listening to those who seek Him, and He is more than willing to take you under His wings and protect you.

Song of the day: Flesh and The Power It Holds – Death

If you’re not used to the sound of metal music, just read the lyrics. Chuck Schuldiner certainly knew a lot on this topic.

Idea of the day: Don’t be a snake.

Thought of the day: