Men vs. Women vs. Men

Important note: This article contains emotionally intense content and may include triggering themes or explicit scenes. Reader discretion is advised, especially for those sensitive to such topics.

“How do I open this topic? How do I start writing on something so delicate? I have the body, but I need the heart,” I thought. As I tried to write the first sentence, I heard yelling.
“It’s probably just some teenagers,” I concluded, but then I heard it again. Nick enters the room, and we both continue to stare at our computers, when suddenly, a hopeless, screaming female voice erupts outside our apartment window. A male voice tries to intervene, and worried it’s another case of violence, we both rush to the window. I say “another,” because we had just read about a domestic violence incident streamed live on TikTok.
Outside, a woman is crying to the point of exhaustion, screaming and cursing at the police officers and a man who appears to be her significant other. He holds her shoulders, distressed and worried, trying to calm her. Like a wounded and scared dog, she continues to howl and weep.
“I have to get down, maybe she needs to talk to a woman,” I say to Nick. He knows I can’t ignore someone’s suffering, especially not a woman in this much pain.

After the Ball (Consolation), Alfred Stevens, 1874

This story was supposed to start with a quote. A quote that sums up what I witnessed. Not the crying, nor the suffering or powerlessness, but the unity of men and women. The grandiose nature of those who, in such a state, do not think of their gender but rather of saving someone’s life.

The quote says:

“The man or the woman in whom resides greater virtue is the higher; neither the loftiness nor the lowliness of a person lies in the body according to the sex, but in the perfection of conduct and virtues.” – Christine de Pizan

And from what I witnessed, I can deliberately say, both men and women were “the one standing higher on the pedestal of humanity.” In other words, they were standing above societal norms, above one’s ego and the nonsense of dominance. They were standing together, against all odds.

This topic has lived in my head for so long. I’ve changed the title so many times that, at one moment, I thought I’d leave it untitled. That’s how writing starts in my head; with an idea, a thought that boils in me for days, months and sometimes years, and gradually, it spills out and evaporates, building a cloud of perfectly composed words.

I analyzed the title after I wrote “Men vs. Women” and I realized it sounds…aggressive, too conclusive maybe. Judgy? I don’t know, but it didn’t sound complete. Then I remembered the latest difficult conversations I’ve had with friends, male and female. The ones in which we’ve exposed our true selves, our beliefs and views on the world.
I could almost see a map of all the encounters, all the talks and heated debates, and there it was: It has always been Men vs. Women vs. Men. It has always been a fight of who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s stronger or weaker, more loving and forgiving, smarter or naïve, deserving or worthless… An endless, senseless fight that never stopped because both men and women want the same: to be heard, noticed and acknowledged.
And maybe if we dedicate more time to looking in each others’ eyes, if we care enough to try to understand the causes we fight for, whether it be men’s mental health or feminism, rather than following a crowd of unhappy, bitter and angry people who enjoy turning us against each other, we could live as God intended us to: in harmony and respect.

The Garden of Love, Peter Paul Rubens, 1630-1631

Why can’t we be simply a man and a woman, instead of a feminist and a men’s rights activist? Or, better: why can’t we be a feminist and a MRA, without having to explain ourselves that we’re not from the “bad ones?” Why can’t we instead open our hearts and spiritual eyes, and understand that we’re all deserving of respect, feeling safe, heard and loved?
Because we don’t listen to each other. Because hurt and anger and the thirst for revenge, disappointment and rage are stronger in us rather than stillness, forgiveness, hope, and calmness. We lack self-control. We lack trust. We let the past experiences and big heartbreaks lead us to temptations to hate the other, to critique what we don’t understand, to come to conclusions and build a narrative around it.

Where did the patience go? When did we turn into social robots following the brainwashing machine and letting it rot our souls? How is a cause as grand as feminism seen as an enemy to men just because some have tried to turn it into their shameless agenda and make it repulsive to those whom us women, long so much to educate, to inform? To those in whom we seek support, understanding, respect, equality, and ultimately, unconditional love? Yes, I’m talking about men—the ones which we long to see as protectors rather than predators, as friends rather than potential enemies, as friends and partners rather than competition and dominance!

I ask all men: how can the cry of a raped and torn apart woman, the enslaved and silenced woman, a young girl, a child be a topic that you can turn your back to? How does femicide not disturb you? Are you that weak that you choose to be silent, or are you so egoistic that you prefer to be named “a silent accomplice?” Because if you choose to defend the perpetrator, you’re just another brick in the wall, deserving of zero respect.
Why do you have to be reminded that “It could have been your sister, your mother, your girlfriend or your friend”? I know this is unpleasant to read; it probably annoys you, you feel ready to defend yourself and attack the movement, but I have one more thing to add: God loves women, the enemy hates them. Just like He loves you, and the enemy hates you. You choose what you serve. Light or darkness.

Now, I ask all women: Since when are timidity and spiritual weakness part of our identity? Since when did we allow our rage and anger to turn into hate towards all men? Hate is the enemy of opportunity. The opportunity to see the good in them, to notice and acknowledge the loving father, the caring husband, the protective friend, the honest pastor, the hurt and exhausted man that has to stand strong. The opportunity to show them that we do need them, but that we need them both strong and vulnerable, rigid and soft, warriors and worried, loving and protective.

When was the last time you noticed something beautiful in a man? We have become so poisoned with fear, anger, frustration, and societal uniformity that we forgot there are still men out there, and not just monsters. How do I know? I meet them every day: In the eyes of my partner and his “I believe in you, you will succeed.” In my friend’s “You should not hike alone” and “How are you, are you safe, did you have any unpleasant encounter?” In my trainer’s dedication to my well-being and his empathy hidden behind the tireless ideas for adaptive exercises for my arm. In my father’s “I’ll drive you. I’ll wait for you at the airport and walk you to your apartment.” How was I not there, why didn’t you tell me?” and “There are millions of men out there, stop crying over that coward. You will find someone who will know how to love you.”

I ask all of you, since when did we turn into unanimous spiritual dummies, letting hate drive us?

Both men and women, we are created to be courageous and righteous. That’s what drives us, what gives us the strength to keep the good fight. To speak in the name of the silenced, in those hidden behind walls, for those running from the perpetrator in the narrow street, for those trying to convince the government that we are worthy of respect and protection. For the women and men forgotten by society.
We are born to love, to teach, to sow wisdom, to turn disrespect into respect, to raise our voices in dignity rather than humiliation, to stand tall when they try to walk all over us. To tell the enemy: You cannot destroy me, because I am built to endure.
In discord, we are food to the enemy: the spiritual and the physical one. In unity, we are a glimpse of God’s perfection.

Whom do you serve?

Written and dedicated with love, to the ones who love and to the ones in need of love.

Song of the Day: Shooting Stars – Rival Sons

Read of the day: Love in Action, Romans 12

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